TO WIN OR TO LEARN? THAT IS THE QUESTION

I have a mirror in my house. It's slightly off and a bit taller than me, but a fairly accurate representation. It is my 12 year old son, Grant. Grant is a funny child. I guess that makes me funny too. He likes to WIN. He expects to WIN, even when it is his first time doing something. Yes, I must admit, that reflection is pretty true of me as well.

Grant is in a school program that affords him some opportunities to participate in some amazing things. Science Fairs, Plays, and most recently a Debate Tournament. He is a first year debater. No experience, unless you count arguing with me a lot :-). I think debate just gives him a sanctioned reason to argue.

He had a tournament this last week and was preparing hard for it. He even donned my husband's blue suit, shirt, and a nice tie and ASKED me for a haircut. (I about fell over on that one.) He was doing everything he knew to win. He wanted to win and He expected to win. He didn't even place. Well, he did, just 1 slot shy of the "trophy round". So he came in #8 out of 60 kids - first time around (the first 7 were recognized). Needless to say Grant didn't take this very well.

Oh, how I have felt that pain of disappointment. There is no doubt, not winning hurts. Especially when you see others around you win. I've been there many times, but I've also had a few more years on him. Which I guess means, I've lost more. I tried to help him understand that winning isn't the most important thing. I've heard people say, "Winning doesn't matter." But is does. And it's not that we should strive to win, but in my mind, there is something EVEN MORE IMPORTANT... LEARNING. What you learn doing things is more valuable than any trophy you collect along the way.

Being someone who promotes Learning & Development for a living, I had a few thoughts on this, and wanted to share them with him. Begrudgingly he listened. I thought I'd share them with you as well:

1. Winning feels good, but if you don't know what you did specifically to win, you might not be able to repeat that success. So LEARNING WHY YOU WON is more important than winning.

2. FEEDBACK ON WHY YOU DIDN'T WIN is probably more valuable than even #1. Now you know what you need to do next time, and there is always a next time.

3. APPLAUD YOUR RISK. No one is going to stand there and give you an ovation for not winning, but you know what you risked, and how much that risk propelled you forward, and gave you the ability to learn.

4. You might not win, but experience it anyway. LEARN FROM IT. That experience is something you never lose.

So I asked him, "What did you learn?" "Enough, he said." Well, he's 12 and I know that parent's aren't so smart at this age, but I hope he'll learn from this and think about it next time.

What about you? How do you see Winning or Learning? Which would you chose?


 

THE POWER OF CHOICE

I am wrapping up my time in India and had the amazing priviledge of talking to the brilliant women at Adobe here about the power of choice.   To frame this discussion I chose a quote from George Elliot.

"The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice."

 

What's mildly ironic, is that this quote was actually written by a woman.  Mary Ann Evans was one of the most prolific and well beloved authors of the Victorian Era.  She chose however to use the power of a man's name to release her work to ensure it was taken seriously. 

How powerful our choices are.  The choices made by our mothers and grandmothers to redefine societal expectations have created a better life for women.  I am not a big "women's lib girl" but I've found myself swept up this week in realizing we all have a role to play in making the world a better place for ourselves, our daughters, and our granddaughters.

As I was preparing my talk for these lovely women here, I realized that this land is at a simliar transformation point as the US was in the late 1950's as more and more women began aspiring for something beyond the role of housewife.  Given the backdrop of International Women's Day and the big release of Sheryl Sandberg's #Lean In initiative this week, the meeting seemed a poingnant moment in time to inspire this generation to chose to pursue their dreams, despite the challenges ahead.

I began my journey here in India visiting a school Adobe sponsors called Parikrama which provides an English first education to about 350 underpriviliged kids in Bangalore.  At this school, a young girl - Divya, 16 years old, came up excitedly as she shared the newpaper article detailing the success of her film, 'Bicycle' in being chosen as one of the 25 finalists for the Adobe Youth Voices Film festival.  Her dreams were being realized, and as I looked back on this, I was excited for this girl and her future, as this was the beginning of a new day for her...a day where possibilities become reality.

India has a lot of cultural and societal customs regarding women.  Add to that lately, some huge issues over even the saftey of women in cities like Delhi after the December incident of a young girl who eventually died after being raped on a bus.  These are things no one likes to talk about.  These are things that have to change. But those changes have to be chosen.

Sir Richard Branson, Virgin Airlines this week, committed to being one of one million men pledging to make one million promises to end domestic violence against women.  The president of IndiGo airlines in India is another.  One by one, there are voices stepping forward to commit to changing the lives of women.  These are choices, public choices that will help make choices for women easier in the future.  Believe it or not, men probably have a bigger role to play in this change than women.  I'm happy to see such prominent figures standing up for change.

I have been so blessed to have been surounded by such eager, brilliant women this last few weeks.  We are connected.  We share the same hopes, fears, and guilt over our choices.  We dream for more, yet sometimes take the safer roads because we fear failure.  We apologize for our greatness, downplay our capabilities, and are so busy making sure everyone else has an oxygen mask on we are left without a lot of air to breathe ourselves.

This doesn't change overnight, but there are choices we can make to change, every day.  Recently, I've been inspired, moved, and encouraged by another brilliant woman, Tara Mohr.  I'm just getting to know Tara but I am already grateful for the way our lives intersected and her bravely calling out the things we need to do more of to help ourselves.  Tara has 10 Rules for Brilliant Women that I think are SO practical, so spot on, and so powerful I made them the centerpiece of my talk today.   Thank you Tara for your brilliance.  Thank you beautiful women of India for sharing your vulnerability, hopes, and dreams with me today.  I hope you chose to embrace all that you are and change the world around you, one choice at a time.

The future belongs to use, each and every choice we make.  Let's chose to help each other succeed and to acknowledge that though the road is long... it's worth it.

CHAOS OR SYMPHONY?

I'm in India on business. My daily commute to the office is an amazing symphony of chaos that is  fascinating to see. Notes spring from horns all around me; short bursts, loud blares, they emerge and subside, rise and fall. Each note plays a part in an orchestrated movement that just seems to flow.

These notes, this feedback to each other, has a meaning that surpases my understanding as an outsider to this culture.  Every note I hear and the actions that follow make me cognizant that they are indeed communicating something very important to my driver.  Something that helps ensure we achieve our goal...get to the office without getting into an accident.  I don't know the language, but I imagine its things like: "Hey, I'm here." "Too close, move right." "Coming through." It is a method of feedback that quietly (or not) facilitates this process.

I've been here meeting with managers on our new Check-In approach to performance after eliminating our annual review process last year. The Check-In is an approach requiring employees and managers to share ownership for setting clear goals, giving and receiving ongoing feedback, and  supporting employee's growth and development. It was designed to be free flowing - much like the traffic here, not rigid, and constant.

Our operations in India previously had a very elaborate grading and ranking system. It was a highly complex, formal structure that calibrated individuals against each other across the business, much like the lines drawn on the pavement separating rows of traffic.  Moving to this more free-flowing, loosely structured approach where methods and timing for goal setting and feedback were to be jointly agreed on between manager and employees was a shocking change. However, what I've realized as I've met with employees and leaders here is that this change is really not any different or more difficult than their morning commute.  In fact, it follows much of the same principles and mechanisms that get me to work safely each day.

Much like the timing and duration of the horns keep cars, bicycles, rickshaws, and pedestrians safe in the morning commute here, I'm seeing a natural flow and order emerging in this system.  Employees and managers are moving together in the same direction, communicating with differing tones and frequencies helping each other understand how to best achieve their goals. And it is working.

It takes time for new drivers to figure out this language and there is a watchfulness that is required.  However, as I listen and observe I am aware of a beautiful symphony emerging. Each instrument playing it's part. Each note is contributing to the score. It's quite fascinating to see. 

Just like my driver, each morning, I'm gaining increased confidence that despite the seeming chaos in flow of the system, we are all moving in the right direction and will arrive there safely together.  I am confident in this journey and am excited to witness the evolution.  I feel comfortable navigating this process at work, but I'm still not quite sure I'm ready to drive here.

What's the flow of communication in your organization or team that enables you to succeed?  How do you help new drivers (people) understand these methods?


 

THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE REQUIRED FOR SUCCESS (And it's not English...)

There is always something that surprises me when I travel. I am caught up between feeling a bit uneasy in my skin in a new country and in rapture of the beauty, culture, and people.

I am on business travel in India for a few weeks. I am ambushed by the stark contrasts of living and the luxuries I am afforded traveling here on business. I often find myself in a little deeper reflection when I'm away, as I watch people more, and listen in deeper ways than I normally do at home in my busy day to day reality.

Two things collided on this trip for me and have left me pondering a universal language that we all need to be more fluent in to be successful.

I've had very engaging meetings with managers and employees on our new "Check-In" framework and it’s exciting to see how removing some structure and labels around performance reviews has freed people to have better, richer, more frequent conversations about performance. This was exactly what we had designed for. However, there are always unintended consequences when launching a major change initiative. One of those consequences seems to be that some of our higher performers are actually not feeling as "special" or as successful as before, when they "knew" they were great, because we attached a label to that success. The thought bothered me as I realized I too, really like that external validation and probably focus on that more than what I learned along the way.

We are so used to grading our success. We spend years in school achieving and being graded on our performance. We spend years competing against others to get the best grades, the best job, and vying for bigger responsibilities and our leader's favor. Some of us along the way focus more on the outcome versus the great learning we have on the way. This seems especially heightened here in India, where the population is so vast, and opportunities limited.

Just after these meetings I had the opportunity to visit a school we sponsor called Parikrima. We arrived mid/late afternoon to big smiles on little faces, glowing with excitement at what they were learning. "Hi Accra" (big sister) they shouted with joy. I saw such a hunger and excitement in their eyes. A hunger to know, to be known, to share what they know, to love and be loved. I visited classes from 10th grade to Kindergarten and the same spark, desire, hunger was there. These kids were sponges. Diligent. Listening intently and when asked a question - hands shot up eager to answer. There were no labels here, no competition, just a room full of bright little minds yearning to learn. What is most interesting about this school, is that its students are from the poorest communities in the city. In just 7 short months, these Kindergartners who were learning English for the first time were singing, greeting me with confidence, and doing math with such quick speed. I was in awe and thought how wonderful it is that an organization like this is changing their lives, and their family's lives.

I thought back to my earlier meeting as I was leaving. I wish that same excitement and joy over what we are learning was enough. Sometimes we've become so focused on achieving, we've forgotten what is most important... The journey. The learning...not the outcome.

One of my leaders I met with that day had shared this statement with me, "There is only success and learning...no such thing as failure." This resonated deeply within me. But as I thought about a bit more, I concluded, there is only learning...and failure to learn. Success just means we learned well.

I'd encourage you to check out Parikrima and learn more...

(http://www.parikrmafoundation.org/html/background.html)